Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Diary of a #Detox Day 2

It's Day 2 of my wholefoods detox and the sun has gone. Not out of me - but out of the sky. And ok, truth be told, I'm a little sun-less myself right about now too. 2 Days of no coffee, no packaged stuff, no white stuff, no processed sugar, and all in all I'm not feeling so bad. Yet. I thought I'd be climbing the walls right about now, but I'm ok. I am thinking of all things food - because obviously that's what you do on detox - and I miss the idea of sugar. I will also admit  quietly, I miss the jump-start sugar gives me when I'm stressed and need to keep going. I'm a little tired today. And I really miss our evening dates together. Last night I totally missed dessert.

But alas, it's just over 2 years now since adrenal fatigue kicked my butt & totally, absolutely defeated me. Hair falling out, periods stopping, huge weight loss kind of adrenal fatigue (AF) depths. And now that I'm re-entering full time office work (I've been teaching yoga full time since then) I'm quite frankly, terrified of falling into the shit-heap that AF covered me in.

I completely have come to understand that physically my body took a wee beating 2 years ago, and adrenals worked overtime, thus getting burnt out. But more than that, at the root of all the illness was some pretty sad emotions. The never ending work in order to please others was something to look at. That leaves me pondering today: Would I do it again?

- Would I work through my lunchbreaks because I was so busy?

- Would I stay late every night to prove myself to my boss & coworkers?

- Would I be so stressed out when pitches/releases didn't work out, would that make me so depressed that I'd question my ability to do my work?

The first few days of work in my new job so far have proved to me that one can learn a lot in 2 years. One can start to trust their ability. I can trust that I don't need to work all night to prove I can do my job. I can trust that I could leave on time even if there was stuff to do. Yes, I'm feeling much more confident about all of that. 

I guess with distance comes some clarity - I left my last job, devastated that physically and yes, mentally, my self was giving out, despite (in spite of??) all my efforts.

So it's funny to think that this 21 day cleanse is bringing me space and time from foods that aren't helping to heal me, in much the same way that time and space helped me build 'me' back up in the last 2 years.

Lightbulb Moment:

Foodwise all is good - I am totally realising that I don't eat enough, nor regularly enough. And that has a huge HUGE impact on how I feel and get through the day. A little sleepy today, but nothing crazy, and excitingly no cravings. Much. I think the cravings are coming more from mind (habit!) than any physical sugar/coffee withdrawals.

I'm also realising that when I eat at the times Angie tells me to, I can eat most of it, and then don't dive into food later because I'm starving. I also haven't had a sugar rush or sugar shakes which is a nice bonus.

Oh, and it's really interesting to see just how much sugar I normally have in a day. Angie cleaned out my fridge and my normally stocked sauce and condiments shelf in the fridge now looks like this:

And this is my No-Go Zone!

She told me every single thing in the no-go zone was loaded with sugar. (And I totally know it.)

So instead, my fridge now looks completely stocked with this:


How can I not be excited by this?

x stella

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